Unlearning Insights

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Here are the most current Unlearning Insights:

May 20

The only person

who never leaves you is you.
Maybe you are worth investing in.
What if the primary source
of every issue you have with another
is actually in you?
That is really great news.
You can do something about you
because you are always available.
Is your invitation open
to tangibly work on yourself?
Have at it!!!
It is time and effort well spent.
It will bless us all.

May 19

Being Held

Have you ever thought
about how to provide
a safe space or holding environment
for another?
If you are a parent
you have likely thought about this
when your children were young.
What if you were to assume
that there is still a small child
in each of us (including you)
who deeply needs
to feel the safety of being held?
This would be an accurate assumption
even if you (or they) are not aware of it.
We don’t outgrow the need to be held.
It just takes different forms as we mature.
Please give tangible thought
to how safe people feel
to be honest and vulnerable with you.
This is a precious gift
most of us don’t know how to ask for,
and long to receive.

May 18

You Know What is Best for Others?

There are times when your mind
tries to convince you
that you know what is best for others.
If you believe this
you can become overbearing
and extremely disappointed
and upset 
when others don’t act
as you want and need them to.
You can never actually know
what is best for others.
And, it is not likely that they
want you to invoke your will.
They may sometimes tell you they do,
but this is likely because
they are afraid of your wrath.
What if you took a deep breath
and made a huge shift?
Instead of thinking this well-intentioned part is you,
and acting out its demands on others,
what if you treated this part
with the tender compassion
you would bring a dear friend
who was trying to control you and others?
This is a humble and viable option.
You are way bigger than any one feeling
or part of consciousness.
It’s time to clean up your own room
before you insist that others clean theirs. 

May 17


Nothing originates with you.
This is not a capacity you have.

You are the way the Originator
conveys and becomes aware of Itself.

Every “my or mine”
you have ever thought of uttered
has come from a “Thy or Thine”
and is more accurately
an “our or ours.”

While your mind
temporarily limits your outlook
by getting caught in
pride and self-condemnation,
you don’t create those feelings.
You are not your mind.

This mind-blowing, non-dual perspective
is what your soul wants you to know.
You can trust your soul
to bring you home.

May 16

Be the Loving

You are not a noun.
You are a verb.

You are the loving,
not the lover.

You don’t need another noun,
another lover,
to fulfill you.

Being the loving
is enough.

Next time you feel lonely,
draw close.
Be the loving
to that feeling.
Befriend it.

Intimacy will return.

May 15

Draw Close

Draw close
to whatever the feeling is
that wants to disrupt your equanimity.

It is a part of you,
working on your behalf
that has outgrown its role.

It feels abandoned
and needs to reconnect
with someone who deeply cares.

Treat it like a long, lost friend.
Listen to it without an agenda.
Feel what it might be like
to be this lonely part.

It wants to be loved,
and you can be the one.

Draw close
and hold it in love.
The effect can be life-transforming.

May 14

‘Healing Conflict

Some of us are so conditioned to avoid conflict
that we develop entire personality patterns
which automatically kick in
as soon as the potential for conflict arises.

Some of us are so conditioned to confront conflict
that we develop entire personality patterns
which automatically kick in
as soon as the potential for conflict arises.

When these two individuals interact
in an agitated situation,
both can feel they are in the right
and a huge crevice can appear in the relationship.

Into the crevice falls, intimacy, tenderness,
sweetness, honesty, authenticity, non-judgment,
equanimity, affection, and peace.

A way to begin closing the crevice
is by doing the deep inner work
to own and close your crevice,
as opposed to trying to get the other
to stop what they are doing.

This is the route the mind avoids at all costs.
It is much easier (and totally unproductive),
to judge and blame the other
for how they are responding. 

There is a courageous way home.
Vulnerability and humility is the path. 

May 13

Effortless Love

Each of us has the innate capacity
to breathe.
It is not something we consciously try to do.

We also have the innate capacity
to love.

While you may feel like with some people
you have to consciously try to love them,
there still exists in you
an infinite well of Love
where even with these “difficult” people
your heart can effortlessly break open to them.

Realize that anyone’s struggle
is because of ignorance and confusion.
Even if their actions feel intentional
if they knew how to love better
and could find it in them to do it, they would.

They are giving you their best shot,
given the ignorance and confusion present.

Your ability to love without conditions
has nothing at all to do
with the other person.
It exists within you waiting for you
to open to it.
Compassion is innate.
Judgment is a learned behavior.

May 12

It All Starts With Seeing

How deeply you see into others
depends on how deeply
you see into yourself.

You can’t afford to see and accept
less than wholeness
in yourself or others.

Seeing wholeness
while embracing the brokenness
relaxes the ego
and loosens its grip.

What you see
determines what you say
and how you act.

It all starts with seeing
Keep that view
and it never ends.

May 11

Avoiding Negative Feelings?

What feeling are you most avoiding feeling?
Anger? Shame? Sadness? Fear? Loneliness?

 How much of your life is constructed
around not feeling this?
(Take a very close look.)

It’s these repressed feelings
that cause our negative reactions
and keep us stuck
in endless cycles of egoic atrophy.

What do you think would happen to you
if you let yourself feel it?

To begin to integrate difficult feelings,
see what happens when you feel them,
independent of the story
you tell yourself about them.

and an acknowledgment of brokenness
begins the cleansing process,
and humbly opens the door
to the transmuting power of Grace.

May 10

Ego-free Moments

What if we took a few seconds
on multiple occasions
throughout our day
to accept the moment as it is,
and not need
one single thing, thought, feeling,
circumstance, relationship, bank account,
political situation…nothing and no one,
to be different than it is, or they are,
right then and there?

Try giving yourself ( and others)
the precious gift of an ego-free moment.

I don’t think anyone will mind.

May 9


Nothing threatening ever shows up
without the corresponding blessing
right there with it.

When we are afraid of something
or someone, the security we seek
is also present
waiting for us to open to it.

Each aspect of life that feels fractioned
has that which completes it
available to you in that moment.

Oneness doesn’t portion itself out.
It’s our dualistic perception
that gloms onto fragments.

No matter what form the stimulus takes,
the invitation and capacity to love
never leaves us.

Divine Presence is not capable
of abandoning us.

May 8

I Am My Lens and Filter

I can’t listen to you
deeper than I live.

The questions I ask,
how I listen,
what I think I hear,
what I say,
and how I process
is determined by
how I view myself,
and what matters most in my life.

Who I think I am
how I think you are.

May 7

Honoring Two-way Communication

There exists a unified connection with all life.

Because you may not experience it regularly
does not mean it does not exist.

Our minds are conditioned to talk at beings:
people, pets, even God.
(Most of us do not even think about
communicating with wild animals
or all the alive forms in nature.)

Connection comes from
intimate interactive communication.

What if you shifted your focus
from talking to listening?

What if your enthusiasm was to
deeply listen with someone you cared about
versus needing to tell them all about you?

What if your special time with your pet
(or any animal),
was focused more on listening to them
than directing or complimenting them?
(Do you think they are not wanting
to communicate to you?)

What if your sacred time with the Divine
was focused on quiet listening and receiving guidance
instead of giving endless affirmations or requests? 

This may explain the loneliness
so many of us feel.
We are not letting ourselves receive
what the rest of creation,
or our Creator,
would like to communicate to us.

May 6

Being a Portal to Oneness

If you yearn for connection, intimacy,
and the experience of oneness,
it could not be closer.
It is available 24/7.

Why wait to occasionally get it
from someone else?
You are designed to give it to yourself.

There are so many parts of consciousness
that we have pushed away
out of fear, anger, shame, judgment, sadness, etc.
And, every one of these parts
is a portal to Oneness.

The mind has repressed them
out of ignorance and misunderstanding.

The soul’s curriculum

is to reconnect you with your divine Self
by transmuting all your disparate parts
through providing them with
unconditional respect,
softening, deep listening,
and compassionate inclusion.

Don’t settle for duality.
You are created to forever re-experience
undifferentiated oneness.

May 5


Perhaps all birth
is re-birth.

Perhaps our soul knows this,
but many of us don’t know our soul.

We use as reference points
fixations from our mind and body,
and this limits our perceptions
to a tiny fraction of Reality.

As we get to know our soul,
everything is held lightly.
The concepts of beginning and ending
lose their foothold in consciousness.

Our reference points become
the ever-unfolding waves
and presence of Grace.

May 4

Finding and Accepting All of Me

If I find and accept me all of me
as I am right now,
I may find and accept you.

If I don’t find and accept me,
I will never really meet you.

Even if we are in a relationship,
I will be not be in relationship with you.
I will be in relationship with my image of you,
my conditioned fantasy of you.

As hard as I strive,
deep fulfillment, and authentic intimacy
will be forever out of reach
in this ephemeral dream.

I’m not here to help you.
I’m here to find and accept all of me.
The paradox is that,
as I love myself in this way
it will be lived in ways
that will maximize my blessings to you.

May 3

Inclusion or Exclusion: An Example

After you have been defensive
and pushed away
negative or constructive feedback,
there is no reason to condemn yourself.
This is not all of you acting this way.
It is just a part of you
that is trying to protect you.
How kind of it.

Instead of judging yourself
for being defensive,
try welcoming and appreciating
that specific part of consciousness.
It is working on your behalf
and may just need a little tender course correction.

Perhaps you can ask it to take on a new job,
as a reminder.
Ask the part if it can remind you
next time you are given feedback
that feels difficult to hear,
to embrace the feedback and hold it close
to see if there is even a speck of truth in it.

Think of it as an adventure for the part and you.
You get to respond in a brand new way…
like walking into a forest 
you have never been to before.

Open to holding lightly
the humiliating and humbling surprises
of the forever moving lifecycles
of death and rebirth.

May 2

Inclusion or Exclusion?

How do you handle difficult
thoughts or feelings?

Most of us try to get rid of them
as quickly as we can.
But, for some reason
they keep coming back.

What if you understood that
everything that feels separate
is a part of consciousness
trying to come back to Oneness?

Will you welcome home
the estranged traveler,
or still try to banish it?

We don’t need more war
outside us or inside us.

is a way more friendly way
to treat yourself.

Applying the Enneagram
June 1–2
St. Louis, MO
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Would you like to receive an original, inspiring insight in your email each day? For over nine years we have been writing and posting these insights on Facebook, and now you can receive the same insight directly in your email. This is a free service.

To sign up click this link. You may unsubscribe at any point.